Quickie: Hellboy II: The Golden Army
Hellboy II: The Golden Army (2008)–*** Quickie Review Hellboy and his pals at the Bureau of Paranormal Research and Defense must face off with an evil elf prince bent on killing off mankind. Director Guillermo del Toro puts all his creative energy into this comic book sequel much like Tim Burton did with his films in the late-1980s. An all-you-can-eat buffet for your eyes and imagination, even the insipid Hellboy character can’t bring down this visual stunner. When people talk about sequels that are better than the original, they shouldn’t forget Hellboy II. Starring Ron Perlman, Selma Blair, Doug Jones and Jeffrey...
Read MoreDVD Weekend: The Other Boleyn Girl & 30 Days of Night
Instead of heading to the theater this weekend for what reliable sources are calling mediocre comedies, I stayed home to catch up on some movies I had previously skipped. I probably should have spent $8 on a mediocre comedy. The Other Boleyn Girl (2008)–*1/2 Quickie Review To advance their family, sisters Mary and Anne Boleyn strive to position themselves as King Henry VIII’s mistress. Dull, unfocused and rather weightless, this period drama cannot contend with its own miscalculations. Neither sister is a reliable guide as they are juggled about by the amorous king and the Boleyn family. The only character with any sense of humanity—the mother—is tossed into the background. Scarlett Johansson, as Mary, once again proves she can’t star in a period film, while Natalie Portman, as Anne, struggles to make us believe she’s a scheming temptress. I...
Read MoreQuickie: The Strangers
The Strangers–*1/2 Quickie Review A couple whose relationship is on the rocks spends one last uncomfortable evening together at the boyfriend’s rural getaway. The night becomes even more uncomfortable when three sociopaths randomly decided have some fun at the couple’s expense. This debut feature from writer/director Bryan Bertino proves that even a thinking man’s torture porn film can still be needlessly sadistic. The difference here is that the audience is the one feeling most of the pain. Starring Liv Tyler and Scott...
Read MoreQuickie: The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian
The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian (2008)–** Quickie Review After a 1,000 year absence, the Pevensie children return to Naria to help the exiled Prince Caspian reclaim his throne and restore splendor to the kingdom. This fantasy sequel is so forgettable I shouldn’t even be writing about it. Bouncing from boring to laughable (though dominated by the former), the film rushes to go anywhere while taking its time going nowhere. At two hours and 24 minutes, Prince Caspian also forces us to spend too much time with these limp, colorless characters. Starring Ben Barnes, Peter Dinklage, Georgie Henley, Skandar Keynes, William Moseley and Anna Popplewell. Directed by Andrew Adamson. One good thing about Narnia 2, courtesy of YouTube: [youtube...
Read MoreQuickie: Frontier(s)
Frontier(s) (2006) — ** Quickie Review A band of thieves who pull off a heist during anti-government riots flee to a rural youth hostel only to run into a band of neo-Nazis ready to torture and rape their visitors. Political subtext aside, this French horror picture is as conventional as its Hollywood counter parts. Sure, it’s smarter than most high-gore thrillers, but Frontier(s) may turn you into a sociopath just by watching it. Feel free to turn it off after the claustrophobia-inducing tunnel climb, which is the only truly frightening moment in the film. Directed by Xavier...
Read MoreQuickie: Be Kind Rewind
Be Kind Rewind (2007)–*** Quickie Review A freak accident at a power plant supercharges some guy who hangs out at a Jersey VHS-rental store. The magnetic field he produces erases the tapes, forcing him and the store’s clerk to improvise remakes of all the movies. A messy, but ultimately funny comedy, this Michel Gondry picture tickles your funny bone as often as it grates on your nerves. (Though at this point I should point out that the “funny bone” is a nerve, Mr. Literal.) The extracurricular activities have more potential for entertainment (see www.BeKindRewind-TheMovie.com or search “sweded” on YouTube), so don’t be surprised if the film becomes as big a pop culture force as Napoleon Dynamite. For those who reminisce fondly on the days of VHS, it’s a must see. Starring Jack Black, Mos Def, Danny Glover and Mia...
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